


Joy for Life

by Jassanja



Category: Apocalyptica
Genre: Dark, Double Drabble, Gen, HIV/AIDS, self-hate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-14
Updated: 2010-06-14
Packaged: 2017-10-10 02:59:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/94727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jassanja/pseuds/Jassanja
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An explanation as to why Antero is so distant</p>
            </blockquote>





	Joy for Life

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written in early 2006

My name is Antero Manninen

Once I was a young man full of joy for life, I have done what all the guys my age did

Fool around with the girls

Fuck around with the guys

Pretending nothing ever happened, because we all drank ourself silly

Things changed with a few drops of blood in a test tube.

After that day, I became distant. I forbid myself all the joy of life.

No matter if there is danger or not.

I don't deserve the joy.

I keep way from those who radiate the power of life

I hate it when they touch me

No touch would be better than all those short contacts they give me.

They make it so hard for me to keep away from them.

I want nothing more then to fall into their arms, share those hugs with them

I want to press close to Perttu, feeling him along side my side, joint from knee to shoulders, arms over each others backs

I want to fall into Eicca's arms, return his fierce hugs

I'd love to smack Paavo's ass just because

But I don't allow myself those things

I don't deserve them.

I have destroyed myself.


End file.
